A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After the mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
Next Sunday the new priest decided to take the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning, he felt nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon returning to his office, he found a note on the door that said :
– Sip on the vodka, don’t gulp.
– There are 10 commandments, not 12.
– There are 12 disciples, not 10.
– Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
– Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not “bet his ass.”
– We do not refer to Jesus Christ as “the late J.C.”
– We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”
– The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as “daddy, junior and the spook.”
– David slew Goliath, he did not “kick the crap out of him.”
– When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we do not say that he was “stoned off his ass.”
