........complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old. 

The first old man said "I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble." 

The second old man said "I'd give anything to take a good shit like I did when I was young. Every morning I sit on the stool and strain and strain until I can finally get something out." 

The third old man said "Well, every morning at 5 I take me a really long piss. Then at 6 on the dot I take a really big shit." 

The other two old men look at him and say "So what the hell are you complaining about?" 

The third old man says "I don't wake up until 7".

A blond is walking along a canal and she sees another blond on the other side. She calls to her and asks, "How can I get to the other side?"and the other blond says, "You are on the other side".


A blond gets stopped by a State Trooper, also a blond, for speeding and the trooper asks for her license. 

The blond starts rumaging in her purse and asks what it looks like. The trooper says its rectangular and has your picture on it. 

The blond pulls out a little mirror and looks at it. She says this must be it and hands it to the trooper who looks at it and says, "Yeah, this is it, why didn't you tell me you where a trooper, too?"

A redhead goes to the doctor and complains that she hurts all over. The doctor says, "That's impossible, what do mean?" The redhead says look, I'll show you. 

She touches her face, "Ouch", she touches her chest, "Ouch", she touches her stomach, "Ouch!" The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead are you?" And she says "No, I'm a blond, why?" And the doctor says, "Because your finger is broken".