An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car.
As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding.
Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there."
"Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over.
As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheel chair looks up and says, "Oh no...... not the Breathalyzer again!"
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Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.
He replies, " Yes i do" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?"
The first man replies " Oh I have a personal genie"
The other man asks "Can i make a wish? "
Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing"
"Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants.
The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head, to which the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC!"
