So I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dog.

While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of every orifice and IVs in both arms.

 I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with it and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

 (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) 

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. 

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me.

 I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

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